desperado

Aaaah! Today was AWFUL. My mom called me to talk about my dad and their ongoing separation and after I hung up the phone I just lost it. I ate sooooooo much, more than any normal human being would ever be able to put in their stomach. I am so embarrassed to post this, but my daily diet today was:

Planned:
1 salad (100)
1 Boca Burger (130)
1 Kashi Bar (140)
Broccoli + Tofu (170)
Cinnamon Pita Chips (200)
1 salad (100)
1 Boca (100)
Potatoes (170)
1 Powerbar (240)
1 Kashi Bar (140)
3 bites dolly bar (100)

Total:1,620

Unplanned:

9 caramel kisses (220)
1 dolly bar (300)
Ruffles Chips (200)
1 Tangerine (80)
20 mini shortbread cookies (1,500)

Total: 2,300

Oh my goodness. Grand total is around 4,000. Which means that I am 2,500 over what I should be. So that means that tomorrow is a 500 day (-1000). and Wednesday is 500 day (-1000) and Thursday is a 1000 day (-500). That is going to be REALLY hard. Plus, I also didn’t exercise today OR do my abs. On the bright side, I have my appointment with my nutritionist on Thursday. Thank heavens!!!!!

Does anybody else have a problem with binge eating? I feel like I am oftentimes the only one…..

So I weighted myself on the scale at the gym today (with shoes and shirt on) and it said 155. Whaaaat? I was 153 on that scale a few days ago! So, either I REALLY packed on the pounds on my binge day or my dinner was still sitting heavy in my stomach. Oh well. I will weigh myself again tomorrow and see what happens.

Daily Diet:

Brunch: 1 waffle (250), 1 cup Raising Bran (200)

Snack: 2 Kashi Bars (300)

Dinner: 1 Boca Burger (130), 1 Salad with FF Thousand Island (100), Spicy Tofu with Broccoli (170)

Desert: 1 Powerbar (240)

Snack (bad!): 1 Hot Cocoa Mix (50), 1 bag Lays (150)

Exercise: 30 minutes elliptical (-200)

Estimated Daily Caloric Intake: 1,400

Room for Improvement: No after dinner snacks!

Well today my stomach was looking flatter than it had in quite a while! Granted, I still have a LOT of fat to work off, but it just takes time.

Daily Diet:

Brunch: 1 waffle (250), 1 cup Raisin Bran (200)

Snack: 1 Kashi Bar (140)

Dinner: 1 Greek Salad w/ Lemon Vinaigrette on the side (600), 1 Powerbar (240), 1 Packet Sugar-Free Hot Chocolate (50)

Exercise: Abs

Estimated Daily Caloric Intake: 1,500

Room for Improvement: Exercise! I was lazy today…but that is not a good excuse.

1. 1 Fro-yo serving a day
2. 1 chips serving a day
3. Aim for 1,500 calories. Never go above 2,000 or below 1,200.
4. Record Daily Caloric Intakes on Buddyslim every day, even binge days.
5. No snacking after dinner.

My diet for today:

Breakfast/Lunch: 1 boca Burger (130, Tofu (70), Veggies (100), 1 7oz Vanilla Fro-yo (300)

Snack: 1 Kashi bar (140), 5 Pringle’s chips (50), 1 peppermint merange (10)

Dinner: 1 small salad with fat-free Thousand Island (100), 1 Boca Burger (130), Black Beans (70), 1 Powerbar (240), 10 Pringle’s chips (100)

Exercise: Elliptical 30 minutes (-200), Walk 30 minutes on Treadmill at 4.0 mph and Level 18 (-100)

Estimated Daily Caloric Intake: 2,150 (I had snacks after the gym) : (

So, yesterday was a not-so-good day, and today was even worse. I am embarrassed to post my binge, but if I don’t I will never be able to face it. I have to face the truth first before I can recover.

My “binge”:

3 Ghiradelli Chocolate Squares (180)
15 Hershey’s Kisses (375)
1/2 Orange (35)
1 Cookie (200)
2 Rice Crispy’s (400)
2 Choco-Mints (200)
1 Babe Ruth Snack Size (180?)
1 Reese’s Fast Break Snack Size (180?)

Total: 1,750

In addition to the 500 snack cals left over from yesterday and the 1,500 I ate today. Soooo, Grand total = 3,750

Unfortunately, this is not the first time that a binge like this has happened to me. I have tried everything to compensate, such as exercising like crazy the next day or eating only 500 calories. Neither work, since both lead to bingeing the following day b/c I am so hungry. Tomorrow I will try something new: aiming for 1,200 calories. This will negate my binge by -800. Then I will have 1000 binge calories left to get rid of, so if I eat 1,200 on Saturday and Sunday as well I should be all right. Sunday is also my weigh-in day, so I have motivation.

Now, more than ever, I need to schedule that appointment with a nutritionist/therapist.

Important concerns:

1. I had a midnight snack, so I decided to add 250 calories to my diet from yesterday (1/7/08) and will start of tomorrow (even though it is 2:05 am) under the assumption that I have already eaten 500 calories. Yes, this means that I had a 750 cal snack!

1 Power bar (240), 1 Kashi TLC Trail Mix Bar (140), 9 meringues (110), 1 chocolate square (60), 3 Hershey’s Kisses (75), and lots of gum (30).

2. I just took an online eating disorders test and apparently I exhibit a combination of symptoms for both anorexia and binge eating disorder, which is unusual because one would think that the two diseases don’t relate. But yes, I DO have a terrible fear of gaining weight, and yes, I DO binge. It’s not quite that simple, but I don’t have the time to go into details now at 2am….

My Plan of Action:
1. Stop this late-night snacking.
2. Go to my schools counseling center and make an appointment with a nutritionist.
3. Don’t beat myself up for over-snacking today–tomorrow I can start anew
4. Sleep!